How big was the Chile earthquake over the weekend? Scientists say it was the fifth most powerful earthquake on record…and it actually shifted the earth off its axis and shortened our days on the planet. The earth was shifted three inches off its axis…and the change in rotation shortened the earth day…by 1.26-microseconds.
-I thought the sun set a little faster last night…If we shifted off our axis…do we wobble now?
YIKES!!!
A guy in Washington State hit a utility pole with his car…and was not seriously injured. After the accident, though…he wasn’t so lucky. He urinated in a ditch while waiting for emergency crews to arrive…not realizing he was peeing on a downed power line from the crash. He was electrocuted and died instantly.
-Proving life can be cruel…and oddly – funny – at the same time.
OJ’S SUIT
The Smithsonian Institute has rejected a donation from OJ Simpson. He offered the suit he was wearing when he was acquitted in the murder of his wife and Ron Goldman. A spokesman for the museum said the suit wasn’t appropriate for their collection.
-Apparently they also rejected John Wayne Gacy’s clown-nose…and Jeffery Dahmer’s
Tupperware collection. Monday March 1, 2010
BREAST IMPLANTS
A woman in Beverley Hills was saved when a gunman’s bullet was stopped by her size-D breast implants. She was working in a dentist’s office when a co-worker’s husband came in – firing a pistol. The woman was struck in the chest – but doctors say it deflated her implant and slowed the bullet before it reached her heart. They said without the implant, she would be dead.
-So for the record a 32…can be stopped by 38’s.
SNOWICANE
When the first blizzard hit the east coast last month – weathermen were calling it ‘snowmageddon’. When the second blizzard hit a week later – they were calling it the ‘snowpocalypse’. This past weekend, the blizzard was accompanied by hurricane force winds…so they called it a ‘snowicane’. Now some people are claiming the weather forecasters and their funny made-up names are causing unnecessary panic.
-Wait a minute…weather people causing unnecessary panic??? There’s a
totally baseless charge!! We’ve never been witness to anything like that. Sometimes I think Dan Saterfield is in the pockets of ‘big toilet paper’…and
‘big milk’.
CURSING FEST
The ten-day cursing festival ended yesterday in Nepal. The residents of two neighboring villages get together to hurl insults at each other. Some of the better insults include; ‘Monkey-face, I hope your sons are as ugly as frogs!’…and ‘I hope your buffaloes die from diarrhea!’ At the end of the ten days – they light a bon-fire and throw powdered paints and water at each other. One participant said it’s all in fun…and nobody gets hurt.
-Of course…we have our own cursing festival coming up. Also known as March
Madness.
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